The Artist

LOL See the girl struggling in the video-game rocker chair? That was me, 4 years ago. Fourteen. When I first started this blog. When I first realized that God held the answers to every question I've had about who I was and where the heck my life was going. When I told myself that when I turned 18, things would be different. I swore to myself that things would be different. I wouldn't live from my insecurities, but live from my identity. I fought hard for that. Really hard. And I'm still fighting today.


But I'm fighting from a different place now. A place of knowing where the victory already rests, waiting for me to just step into that. And all it takes is humility-knowing that God is above and takes care of me. It's trusting that He is who He says He is, basically.


I wish I could go back and tell my younger self thank you. For not knowing what the future held, but still holding on. Because she knew more was out there. And thank you God, for seeing me in my darkness of heart, and pulling me out. Wide open. It was raw, uncomfortable, and still is. But you are unraveling me, and reshaping me. I am an unfinished masterpiece, you are the Artist, and you will continue forming me until the day we meet face to face. And this is where my peace rests, knowing that my mistakes aren't the last of me, that my sins aren't the last call, that my wounds are not permanent, and my scars heal. That life has both bitter and sweet, and that is where it's beauty lies. That black and white blend into gray, and that is where redemption lies.


I am now 18. I didn't think I'd make it this far, honestly. Employed?? Succeeding in said job?? Finishing high school within the year of 2015?? WHAT?? Living from JOY and communing with my heavenly Father daily, from a place of trust and no longer fear? Really something that seemed unattainable, yet something I desired so deep. I fought so hard. I'm still fighting so hard.


And it was only because of Love. That Love changed me, when I couldn't bear to look at myself. That Love fought for me. The times that I rested in Him were the times I was most successful in battle, because I was letting the Victor take His place on the battlefield. He fought for my soul and won. I have a new appreciation for life- he has changed my vision.


These past 4 years have been CRAZY. Learning lots, experiencing lots, and just growing LOTS. But I wouldn't change a thing, if it meant not knowing Jesus and His love. Game changer. My identity is no longer in these new things- my job, my academic career, my friends, my family.... I am in Christ now. The one who made me delights in me, and that changes EVERYTHING. I am truly blessed beyond what I deserve, even if I were homeless and living in a box, because I know God. Crazy, but that means the world to me. Here's to the next 4 years ;) and beyond