Life's been kind of hard lately. Work and school are the same amounts they were before, but lately it's been harder. I'm reaching the end of some hard courses, which is good, but it is hard to focus and study on them, which is HARD. Just difficult. A mountain of sorts. If it gets much harder and STAYS much harder, I'm going to have to cut back a day at my job. But I am going to give it a chance. It's been good for me to work more. I've seen how it's challenged me, spiritually and emotionally, and I want to hold this load with grace. Better yet, I want to give this load over to the God who already won my battles for me on the cross.
Work has been harder, too. My boss expects more of me because I'm "almost eighteen" and I am taking on more days. Which is what I expected. Kind of. I didn't expect how that would affect my school load. It doesn't help that lately, I've been relying on my emotions. I haven't been turning my affections upward. I've been hiding behind my works. And they are C R U S H I N G  me  s l o w l y. I can't keep living like this. I know that.
Food is also a challenge. I feel these waves of cravings that almost feel like hunger, but they are a hunger for something that I don't need, because I am not full of what I do need. Jesus. The cravings come when I am stressed, and stress has been too close of a friend these past few days.

But God.

He has shown Himself faithful. A guest preacher was at our church this Sunday, and he spoke of truly knowing God and what that means. And God powerfully brought back the vision He gave me three years ago at camp. And it became real in that moment again. It brought tears to my eyes. It gave me chills. I mean, God is a real, living being. He's not someone we know about. He is someone we can know. It's not like Thomas Edison. I know about him and what he did, but I will never really know him. Death separates us. But because of the beautiful Sunday that just passed, Easter Sunday, death no longer separates me from my Love. He declares me white. He takes my torn, tattered clothes and trades them for white. He doesn't leave me staring at the empty cross, but He gently takes my arm and turns me around. He says "come back". Don't leave me now. I've redeemed you. You are mine.
This is my life. He is my delight. Life may be hard now, but He is a compassionate being. A compassionate God. I give it all to Him.