Speak the truth, even when your voice shakes

I've talked before about how this year has seemed like a period of transition, but the truth is, I am present, secure in the present. I am present in this moment right now. And I refuse to be comfortable with the future because I have convinced myself somehow that it will all "work out". I cannot be ignorant to the fact that there will be trials in my future, but I also cannot ignore the fact that my God creates beautiful things and desires to place them in my life. And He has begun. Trust is not something blind, but it is an open acknowledgement of the unknown and embracing the One that does. It is an embracing of the present, not paying mind to the past or future. It is finding all strength and hope in the present. In God's presence in the present.
I'm learning to use my voice. I see it's power. The few times I've communicated my needs, my life has shifted dramatically into places that 1. I didn't expect and 2. Put me to rest. I can both experience new things and also rest knowing that my Father saw them coming long before they came. And He is larger than my struggles, He encompasses the time before I was ever thought of, and He surrounds the time frame I will consume with my existence. He even stretches beyond my life span here on earth and glorifies Himself through it all. Yet the lack of vanity I hear from Him when He speaks is louder. He is a God who promotes Himself by service. And that is how I want to live. In service.
I struggle when people pay attention to me. Either positive or negative. Sometimes I feel it more when it's positive, even. I don't understand why simple things come hard, yet sometimes the hard things come simply. Fortunately, I am blessed to know that the secret struggles I have are not actually a secret. That God sees the road I have taken and is blessing me through every mistake and struggle. He is confirming things He has whispered to me in my doubt. Of course, they seem ridiculous when He says them sometimes. But then I see them open up in front of me, and it's like WOW. Why didn't I get that sooner? How come I didn't get to experience that sooner?
But I wasn't ready.
He is preparing me, for what I have no clue. But my eyes are opening as my mouth is opening. Does that make sense? I speak my needs to Him and He responds in revealing that my needs were actually provided for the whole time. You know? He waits for me to ask, and He answers by BLOWING MY MIND.
I'm scared the new and beautiful things in my life will vanish, but there are blessings that are permanent that I must embrace for full healing. And I hold the ones that aren't with open hands, which is also necessary for healing. Everything holds a season in life. I've seen negative seasons for so long, it's hard to not want to cling to the one I'm in now. But change comes. It is inevitable.
But for now, I live in the present. I live in the present with God's presence. His love is transformative, it is enough for my anxious heart. So I can breathe, shake off the dust, and rise. Transformed. Redeemed. Beloved.