Work hard, play hard

This new day I took on at work has inspired me to take on the burden of creating a schedule. I think this will be good for me in that respect. I'm excited to see what I can take on, and to reach my goals. (((((And have fun doing it. ;) I'm scared I can't have fun, but that's priority, too. I'm young. I can get wrinkles when I'm 40. ;))))))

The people there aren't the greatest influence, though... I want to remain firm and steadfast, but a lot of them are struggling with things I am--they are just handling it in ways that God does not honor. I find myself slipping at times, to the point it wracks me with guilt at the thoughts or words I find myself thinking or saying. I want to be a light, but I feel a little squashed by circumstances lately. I'm crying out to God for help in that area.

I need to cry harder, I think. I don't want to become apathetic. Or remain angry. I want there to be more of a balance in my emotions, but then again, I've never allowed myself to feel emotions until two years ago. To actually have a life and future to consider is extraordinary for me. I've become so used to living without a purpose. God has brought so much into my life that I thought I would never find. I'm so thankful for that. He is priority right now. More than even my reaching my goals. He is blessing me with wisdom and love.

I'm feeling kind of stressed, looking at my schedule. Once I put feet to it, I hope I'll feel better. I have gone through far worse for far longer-- I think I can handle this. God cares for me and my little "burdens". The things that I'm struggling with are nothing He can't relate to or speak truth over. I know that my life is but a blink, so I don't want to miss anything by doing things that don't matter. He is my priority right now. If I don't meet a stupid deadline, it's not as important as if I put Him first in these next few months.

I can't forget that.