Hard Work

Typing is easier than writing lately. Sorry.
I'm trying to be better at processing my emotions. I had a lot of trouble today. I had a hard day at work. I got news I didn't want to hear. My foot was hurting me again. Things I just didn't want to deal with were happening, and I disconnect. As usual. I'm sick of doing that. And I'm sick of my fears getting in the way of how I know I should treat people. I feel so far behind from where I should be, yet I know I'm a lot further along than where I was.
I'm just tired today. Disconnected. Detached. I'm a little sad. I am trying to process things. I'm just drained today. Not the end of the world... I won't feel like this forever. Emotions are fleeting. True life is happening right now.
I'm sorry that I care so much what people think of me. I don't want to, believe me. I want Jesus to be my greatest love. I miss that feeling. But then again, it's just a feeling. He really is my first love. That won't change. Even through the disconnecting.