I look at older pictures of myself and sometimes it's like looking at a different person. I have changed so much and evolved so much and am learning so MUCH. I am getting smarter. No more calling myself dumb. No more paying attention when others act like I'm dumb. I am growing. And my roots are deep in Love.
It is so humbling to be repentant, but it also feels good to walk in freedom. And that's what I'm learning to do. I'm learning my weaknesses, and I'm learning to walk in freedom away from them. I am in a constant state of movement towards where God wants me to be as I continue communing with Him. And He sees that. And He loves that. He takes joy in that, and so do I. He draws me to Himself.
I have been in such a cycle of letting my circumstances get in the way of my joy, but that ends today. It is so weird to realize that this is what I've been doing, and this is why I've been upset lately, but it's also kind of freeing, because I never realized that it could change. Because it's been a long while of this cycle... I just hope the others in my life see a change for the better and accept this new change, instead of hold me to the mistakes I've made in the past. You know?
I want to move toward growth, and not be held to my past. It may take a while, but I am certainly willing to give it a try. I pray for willing hearts from those around me as well, to see the change in me, and to accept it. As I walk toward health, towards a high school diploma, towards Love.... I hope they see this posture and embrace me for all of my flaws, as I am now desperately crying out to embrace theirs. Forgive, and you shall be forgiven. There is action that needs to be taken on my end, and I have not been taking it.
That ends today.
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