Colder months ahead...

I've been repenting of some things lately. I have been trying to be a better friend to those around me lately, because I've kind of sucked as of late. I've been dishonest at my job and I feel as though I made positive changes this week. I spoke with my boss more clearly, and I actually found that he isn't such a terrible guy. I spoke more with my coworkers and shared my opinions more freely, with less fear of being rejected. God is showing me how to be tactful, and how important that is in communication and His design for me as a human, as a woman.


My new schedule is Tuesday-Thursday, and it's harder to work in the beginning of the week, and scramble at the end of the week, but it's stretching me in a good way. I need to learn this to be a better student, that my schedule can't always fit my exact needs. (I was spoiled with being home schooled ;)) So I'm learning how to arrange my day. And still speak to my friends. And still find time to do things I want. Which is hard, and I'm feeling a little burnt out. So happy tomorrow is Sunday, a day of rest. From school and work, that is...


I have to take the SAT's in two weeks from today. I'm kind of nervous. The day after I take the SAT's I perform my first harp solo in over a year. I'm SUPER nervous. I am a nervous bunny about this whole month, and this whole year, actually, can seem a bit overwhelming. I'm starting to take on more adult responsibilities, and it makes me sad, to look back on my childhood. My main goals then were to go to bed, having had the most fun possible. That would be a successful day to me. Now I have become more mechanic, more of a human ROUTINE than a human BEING. (I read that somewhere, don't quote me- not an original idea, but totally resonated with me.) My main goals for the day now are to be the most productive I can be.


By God's grace, He is shaping a balance within my heart; He is creating peace and harmony within all of this change, vulnerability, and fear. He is telling me that His purposes surpass my school work, my musical skill, my tact as a worker, and my overall production level. He is whispering love and patience where others yelled frustration and condescension. He is whispering that the world does not rest on my shoulders, and this year does not set the direction for my future. He is whispering that new mercies are here to stay. He is whispering that Love wins over any outcome of my efforts, positive or negative. The whisper is quiet, but steady. I just need to listen, be quiet, and rest. Slow me down- I'm in no hurry.