Christmas is coming, and I feel God drawing me towards His heart, away from distractions, away from worries, but it's like I don't know how to, so this week has been a time of crying out to Him, and it's weird, but I think we both needed that. Sometimes, I think God needs to see us be desperate for Him, especially when we try so hard to pretend we're fine or "independent" or functioning normally on our own. God needs to be our God- it is the reason He exists, to be God. He cannot rest until He fulfills that purpose for every living creature. And we- well, we were created to be children. To be dependent on Him. And when we pretend we are not, we are choking ourselves of Life.
So this weekend, God revealed Himself to me as Father again. I always need these little reminders. I kept hearing little scripture verses or quotes that basically talked about God's strength coming through in our weaknesses. I no longer have to pray for myself to be strong, but I must pray for God to fulfill HIS purpose and be strong through me.
My job has been really tough, to stand firm and be a positive influence. I want to have a good work environment, and I am scared to shake things up by being quiet when others are gossiping. I am scared to speak up when others are making racist jokes. I am even scared to be nice to my boss sometimes, because everyone else seems to not like him. I know I must focus on my actions before I judge other peoples, but it's hard.
Through being at work, God has shown me the negative tendencies of my own heart, which surprised me, because they didn't show up as obviously in my home environment. All I know is that God really patient with me, and I want to please Him. He sees that desire and is working with me.
This is why He came to earth, to save us from our sins. To redeem us, to be close with us in an intimate relationship. And that is what I think of as we are nearing Christmas day!
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