The Scandal of Grace!

Even if my reasons change for following Him, my core motivation is Him. Some days I follow Him because I simply know. Other days is because I simply feel. Other days, I'm dragging my feet. Other days, I fall completely. And yet, He moves me. He is alive. He is not simply someone I created. He is real, and passionate. I want to remember that in my weakest moments.


I have been examining individual personality types (choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, and melancholic) and motivational gifts in my English class. I learned I'm melancholic, and I see different ways I respond to certain situations. It's opened my eyes to the negatives and the positives in my dealings with others. Through all of this, I am requiring myself to be 100% honest with my friends, even if it's hard. I saw harsh consequences follow through on that last year, and I am never going to be in that place again. I was my own worst enemy last year. I choose to be raw and real, and open with my struggles. And point to Jesus's goodness through them.


At first I used to say it with a sense of pride and determination. Now I say it with surrender, and that is all thanks to Jesus. He is showing me surrender. In my job, in my home, in my school work, in my church... surrender. Rest. There is rest to be found in surrender. It is not burdensome, like I once thought.


I'm learning to see the positives of being a melancholic, instead of the negatives. Any label doesn't define me- I span beyond this title. While it helps me to understand and love myself, it also helps me to surrender more of myself. Because I don't fit into a box. And that's not a bad thing. I'm learning that. I'm learning it's okay to not have it all together... I do tend to be a perfectionist. I'm seeing beauty where I once saw disaster. I am beloved, and it's all from my King.


Abba, I belong to You. Show me what that means in my darkest moments. Show me what that means in moments of doubt. You are the reason for my very existence, and You love me unconditionally. Show me the extent of your grace.