Psalm 118

Today is one of those days that I don't feel very Christian. That I wake up and the weight of my weaknesses weigh heavily on my heart. I see non Christians having (seeming to have) a more together life than I do, and I serve the Creator of all Life, and yet I hardly felt alive this morning, and I wanted to so badly. I am going through Psalm 118, and the verse for today was the cry of my heart, and spoke to my every need.

 

The Lord is with me. He is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies.

 

God is with me in my weakest moments. He sees. His son, Jesus, is interceding for me. He is there, loving me, being gracious to me. I do not deserve it.

 

He helps me through it. Even though I have weak days, I can sense His help through it, even if it's through simply deciding to take a shower, clean my room, write a little, or do SOMETHING that engages me, and takes thought and dedication. (I know, ridiculous, but taking a shower can require energy)

 

My struggle is not against flesh and blood. My coworkers aren't my enemies, my parents aren't my enemies, my sister is not my enemy, and I AM NOT MY ENEMY. It is the ruler of this dark world- he is my enemy. And since,

 

• God is with me,
• and He is my helper,

 

I can look in triumph on him and the darkness he tries to pass as light.

 

God is my Light. He is blessing me with ideas to help me thrive, not just survive. More knitting, less social network. More writing, less TV-watching. More sleep, less troubled thoughts (and exhaustion). I am not choosing to follow these guidelines for my life because I desire to be perfect, but because the Lord prioritizes my well-being, and that can only come from total surrender to Him. It is time to engage, to live, thrive, and love.