September

A little drama from your girl Bri-Bri last week about my pastor, but I stand by my statements. It was a rough day to hear those discouraging words from him, and it threw me off for a few days after. I will listen to his follow-up sermon this week, but I don't stand behind what he says at ALL. I am thankful for truth, and how it will keep me solid as I return tomorrow.


I had a rough day at work and my mind slipped into some old ways there. I kept wanting to shut down and leave... I almost had a breakdown. I was so close. I served customers for 3 hours straight. Not a single time a customer wasn't there for 3. Freakin. Hours. I wanted to cry so badly. God kept me together. He reminded me of how far I've come and where I'm going. So I stayed. But now my mind is worn out, I have a headache today, I couldn't get to sleep, and I'm just exhausted. I'm tired of fighting these invisible battles. God is fighting for me now; I have no more strength.


People tend to have these outward circumstances that are AWFUL, so when they talk about their struggles, it makes sense. And you can reach out to that person and really bless them.
Because a lot of what I'm dealing with now is mental (not all, but mostly now), no one would understand the fact that some days are hard, even without 3 hours of solid customer service. And they can't reach out and help, because the problem is internal. It's not going away with any kind of real life adjustment. (Prayer helps and Jesus heals, so not all is lost ;))
I thought less value was put on my trials because of that, but God still wants to help me, and I am being lifted up. He lifted me yesterday. And He is lifting me still, showing me the strength inside of myself and how He is the one that puts it there.


I'm thankful for my job, that it can teach me about where my real strength comes from. But I am talking to my boss about adding another person to work on Fridays. Because that would have been too much for anyone, I need to understand that.


I am excited to eat Panera with my family tomorrow. At times they drive me the craziest, but I love them the most. And they love me, too. :)