The Giver vs. The Gift

I think that for God to love me, I need to be "morally impeccable", as Brennan Manning stated so eloquently in his book "Abba's Child". And I'm learning to turn away from that. Because I can't even take constructive criticism without cringing because of this ego problem of mine. I am NOT perfect. Why am I returning to the way of thinking I had years ago? Why?


I am learning today to become captivated with the Giver instead of the gift. To realize that He is the best thing, even more than the gift. And God spoke in the middle of worship at camp last week, very clearly above the noise of my mind, "I'm okay with you leaving your job." He is okay with what I am. He is okay if I change jobs, as long as my heart is His. And it is. Always His.


I'm not happy there. They don't give me much to do. I'm bored most of the time. I want to be active, work with my hands. Gain experience on the cash-register. And more. I wanted to stay to learn, but now I see that I can learn wherever I go. And God has a wide open plan for me. The narrow road does not mean a narrow life.


So while I look for a job, I keep my eyes on the Giver, not the Gift. I understand my flawed nature, yet my fully beloved nature as daughter of Jesus. I need to grasp that further. Pray for me.