I am restless for You

Today is the first time in a while I've actually felt liked by God. Not just loved. He is not obligated to love me, no; it is His joy. Even in the messy, unpleasant process of my buds blooming. I am a garden. I've had such a powerful desire to draw flowers, and now I know why. God speaks to me through my art and what I draw. At least, what I want to draw. It's moving past my insecurities about a project that is difficult. Lately I haven't been drawing portraits, or working on being professional. I've been basically vomiting my emotions on paper. And when the emotions are on paper, they are not removed, but enhanced, remembered, cherished. God loves the process, right? :)


I am relearning His love. I am painting out His love letters to me on paper. I am so thrilled by His company. The fact that He is HERE! EVEN IN MY IMPERFECTIONS. HE DIED FOR ME WHILE I WAS A SINNER. HE LOVED ME AS A SINNER THEN. HE LOVES ME AS A SINNER NOW. I AM STILL A SINNER, BUT I AM SAVED. AND I FOLLOW, OH DO I FOLLOW.


x)


My Epic - Zion (Lyrics)
~~~

like a bride, blushing bides on the bed for the touch of her love to arrive
other passions may call and loom but she will wait for her groom
just the same
I am restless for You

as the vagrant, dreams of vacant lands to plow, and a hearth to call home
but each distance only fails him so he'll keep drifting through
just the same
I am restless for You

You loved me first and fully when nothing lovely existed
all before then grew dim in the light of desire awakened
and all else be cursed
I choose rather this thirst

no man, no land, no task for my hand ever soothes
I stay restless for You
all I am, was made for You and no other will do
so I stay restless for You

You loved me first and fully when nothing lovely existed
and gifted grace til my heart could awaken, embrace, and return it
all I see now every goodness, each beauty and blessing
are but tremor and wake and stir me further to love and to longing

only for you
does my soul wait
do my bones ache

i'll not be satisfied
till my hopes and my eyes
both alight on that view

there leave longing behind
i'll discard my desire
when i'm resting in You