IT'S OCTOBER, WHOOOPEEEE

Wow, forgot this blog existed!! Time to update.

September has been a crazy, crazy month! A lot of it was spent waiting for school to come (it came late; about one week ago) and reflecting on the trip. I know the trip was in July, but it was honestly such an indescribable two weeks and I cannot express how grateful I am for all 8 of those people that spoke such kindness into my heart.
One thing I struggled with in September was letting go of my great desire to see them all ASAP. I missed them all so terribly, I was losing focus on the present. I'm still struggling with losing focus on the present, but my focus has gotten better now that I am focusing on Gods plans for my life, rather than my own. He is in control, and if He wants me to see them again, He will orchestrate the perfect way for that to go down. I need to believe that.

I am struggling with my youth group and finding a way to fit in with them. Or at least, that was my greatest desire. Now my greatest desire is to see them grow closer to Jesus, but in the process of gaining such a "noble" desire, I have found myself detaching from them as people. Lately I have been growing more attached to them as people, but that has only deepened my burden for them. They are not growing closer to Him. There is flirtatious behavior, and the fact the guys joke around with all the other girls except me doesn't make it ANY easier. That fact is really hard on the self esteem.
I know this is what the Lord wants, for me to at least stay a little while longer - I have FINALLY accepted that - but it doesn't make it any easier. I wish to see them grow closer to Him, not stay on a plateau like I see happening. I'm disappointed at the general lack of concern towards it, but I am praying for a breakthrough, and I know it will happen by His grace! He wants a breakthrough, believe that with me!

I have stopped doing online school. I am back to sharpening pencils and overflowing the dining room table with books and papers and my Bible. I love it SO MUCH!!! The timing couldn't have been more perfect, considering my computer has been eaten by a gigantic virus!! D: It believes it is October 1, 2043, which is a very random date, but worst of all, internet crashes every time it opens. I am going to try and write out some choice poems to save, as I cannot save all of them, or even send them to myself in a ZIP file, but I wrote some really personal ones that I would like to save when we were moving back in April.

I am going to pursue God more this week, as it hasn't been my greatest strength last week. Since school is a Christian curriculum, it certainly keeps my mind on Him. I want to keep my mind on Him. I want to keep my heart on Him. My desires have been elsewhere lately, and it's showed. I haven't had as much energy to face the day, and a lot of negative thoughts have come in. The devil certainly likes to mess with my brain, and as time goes on, the lies are harder to unravel. Lord, give me strength!

Other random things:
     -I have a harp recital in November
     -I'm going to be Orphan Annie for the Halloween party!
     -I haven't drawn enough lately
     -I haven't written enough lately
     -My favorite parts of my body are my hands
     -I need a haircut
     -I use my iPod too much
     -I need to lose more weight. I dislike dieting. Bleck. When can I eat a cheese burger without shame?
     -That is all for now. Bye bye!