Mental Health

I decided to stop school for now... To resume high school in the fall.

I have two semesters left - the last semester of Algebra 2 and last semester of World History. These two subjects are the hardest courses I have ever taken. I get anxiety thinking about it. My heart beats really fast, and I can even cry if I think too hard about it. Overwhelmed does not even begin to describe it.

I am going to take the summer off. For anyone, this seems normal - to take a summer off from school - but this is a decision that is hard for me. I may end my high school years on time, I may not. But I need to do this because I value God's best for me, not what the world thinks. Cramming Algebra 2 and World History into a summer is the worst thing I can for myself emotionally. It would break me.

I told my music leader, Jay, that I'm behind and I'm struggling, but I told him that I was willing to work all summer. I can't. I think I'm going to ask for prayer next time I see him. Because last week, he saw the girl that was willing to ruin a summer to do what the world thinks of as normal. I think being honest with him will be better. Being honest with God and myself is better.

I am going to take time to be still and be close to the Lord. I don't want a loud summer. I don't want a loud life. I want a life led quietly, serving God. Like this mission trip. I just want to take time and serve Him. That's it. I also don't want to feel like a loser anymore, so spending time with God will help that, I am sure.

Pray for me as I journey on. I can't live this way anymore; something has stirred within me. The Holy Spirit will not let the devil win. This battle is going to be won, and it will be won soon. Believe that for me? :)