To 26-year-old me:

Dear future self,

I don’t care when you read this. Just wait 10 years before you read it. If you forget, that’s fine; I hope you’re smart enough to do these things anyway. If you remember, read it, and please take these words to heart.

You are loved by Jesus. He loves you so much. Personally, intimately, beautifully. You are loved by the creator of the mountains, of the stars, of laughter, of toes, of sunshine, of clouds, and of grass and the sea.

You are a good person. Not good as in, “Oh, I help people, so I’m a good person.” No, you are good. 

You weren’t a mistake. You never were, even when you were so sure you were. When you get insomnia, you are good. When you cry over even imagining sad circumstances happening to you or your loved ones, you are good. When your heart skips a few beats as you picture twirling with Jesus in an open field surrounded by trees, you are good. When you decide to not be social, it's okay. You are good.

You are living life now. Life didn't come after high school, after college, or after quitting that dead-end job. No, it was already happening then, and it is happening now. Life doesn’t stop for anybody, so stop thinking that it will arrive after you accomplish different things. You are living it now. Enjoy it.

Now, on to the advice. It’s scary to give advice, but since you hold a piece of who I am now, I think you will know what I mean when I say these things.

Love. And not just people. Love every ray of light, every shadow on the wall, every grass blade, every moment, even those that involve school work, your job, or thinking about the future.

Forgive. People, like you, are imperfect. They will make mistakes. Don’t rely on them for your happiness. Show them instead the happiness that Jesus has given you. Forgive them. They have their problems, just like you. Love them anyway, or else you will be lonely.

Do what you want with your life. Now that you are a follower of Jesus, your desires are becoming His desires. Whatever you want to do, pursue it. Ask for His help. Whether that is music therapy, becoming a missionary, going on short-term trips, going on long-term trips, playing your harp at weddings, becoming a counselor, or becoming a veterinarian. Experience life, do what makes you happy, and don’t let anyone stop you from going there.

If what you are doing now doesn’t make you happy, don’t leave it all behind and run away from who you have become. I hope my saying that doesn’t surprise you too much. Serve the Lord through whatever you are doing. Things won’t make you happy; He will. So if you’re not happy, it’s not His fault. It’s not your job’s fault. It’s yours.

Be smart with your money. Yes, I am giving you money advice. Do not spend money on frivolous items. Give it to poor children, to the weak, to the homeless. Give more than you are comfortable with. Save the rest. Save it so you can travel, and pursue your dreams. Never hold out on God, though. He is more important than any dream you could ever have in life.

Find someone that will love you for you. You have some great people in your life presently, but that may change in a few years. When they are gone, promise me you won’t hide. Promise me you won’t hide behind the pain of either you hurting them or them hurting you. Continue on with Jesus, and allow people in. Be vulnerable. Be open. Be free.

Hopefully you will get married someday. Hopefully you have a Godly man who knows what it means to be a leader. Please marry your best friend. Don’t get caught up on JUST emotions, because they will screw you up before you can say, “I love you, too.” Don’t ignore them, but promise me, that you won’t go with someone that only makes you feel a “tingle inside.” That will go, but then what will be left?

Don’t forget where you came from. Thank the Lord every day, for at least 10 things. Keep a journal. Keep up your journals. Read old journals. Remember who you were, and thank Him that you are changing.

I love you, and I can’t wait to see who you become.

Love,

15-year-old you.