Super Bowl Sunday!

Something I wrote yesterday. I want to live like this:

We are all warriors. We are all fighting to accomplish something- others to win, others fight for friends and family members.
I fight for family. I fight for me. I also fight for God, that He would have the victory in my soul.
But as I lay beaten, bloody, and bruised, with no escape, I wonder what went wrong. The walls I have built are crashed in. My breathing slows as I rest under the crushing weight of my own failure.
Then. The God I was fighting for. He comes to my rescue and lifts the load off of my chest. I rest, breathing under His yoke, which is easy and light.He fights the battle. I lay, hearing the groan of the enemy as he scrambles for the energy to take his final breath.God comes to my side, and I realize in my exhaustion something beautiful.
God should have fought the battle the entire time. He is Lord over my life for a reason. I thought I was able, I thought God was supposed to make me able.
No, God is a powerful God, so He wants us to realize our need. He wants us to know He saved us because we couldn't do it ourselves. How could I think I could live by myself?
He uses the weak of this world, and only in that I can say gratefully I am not strong, popular, or anything that anyone really sees as appealing. I am an introverted person. I get anxiety (using the term loosely.)
God wants to use the broken, weak things of this world, and I am brought to my knees, crying to Jesus to save me, to save us all.
That is when I can HEAR the bones of the enemy break, and I can HEAR the footsteps of God running to my aid. That is when I fall in love with Him even more, that He would use me- a sinner, least in His kingdom.
And I am even more thankful my identity is no longer there, but rather here, in His arms. The victory is ours, God. Thank you that You don't want me to fight on my own. I love you, Jesus.

 I went to the Super Bowl Party and it was bad and good. I got permission from the pastor to write letters to people in the church, asking for donations for my missions trip! :D I think this is going to go really well, and I was so thankful that God gave me the words to speak as I asked him. ^_^

I wish God could give me the words to be social properly, though. Agh, I take things personally in situations I shouldn't. :S It's something I'm getting better at, but it took me a while to understand that during the party.
I sat on the couch in one room for a little bit. There were two different rooms to watch the game. I kept switching because my friends kept switching. I took it personally that they switched to the other spot anytime I moved with them. So, feeling offended, I just planted myself in one spot and watched my friends have fun on the other side of the room. This was my spot for about an hour. I asked God periodically, "Why is this happening? Why can't I just have fun with my friends? I'm 15 years young, I should be having fun! Why are they making this so hard? Why can't I be an extrovert?" Dumb questions. God is teaching me a lot.
But when the quietest kid in the group asked me if I was okay, I seemed quiet... I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone. I told him I was fine, smiled, and realized that if HE thinks that, then I need to work on something, not them. So I pushed down all my pride and sat with my friends. Again. They didn't move this time, so I considered it a victory, and we had a lot of fun. xD
During the game, I was leaning over to watch on the big screen they rolled in (it was wrinkly, so I couldn't see it all that well.) But Emily interpreted that as me feeling alone, because I was leaning closer to her to see the screen clearer. She asked me if I felt alone, and I just smirked and said I was fine. While I did feel alone, I was not leaning closer to her to "feel the love"! xD
I know I'm improving from where I was socially, because I don't mull over every stupid thing I do when I get home like I did last year. However, I lack extroversion, and I take things personally, so that is something God and I need to work on. I'm glad I've improved, though. It was a big step for me. ^_^

The thing is, I want to have my friends reach out to me a lot of the time. I need to accept the fact that it doesn't work like that all the time; most of the time, I'm going to have to reach out to them. And that's okay, for now. It's something I need to work on anyway.
Yeah, the party was great though! I was glad I went, and I pray that God helps me in future situations such as that one.

I've been using that list more often (of things to do instead of the internet), and it's been good. God and I are getting closer. I sometimes feel spaced out, like I'm not connected to anything, and everything is so boring, but I've been popping out of that. I am 99% sure that I didn't do anything wrong, but I think that 1% is just the enemy trying to drag me down. God will fight for me. And we will fight together. We will win together. I am free!

Doing the elliptical more often! Hopefully I get results soon. ^_^