Work

"You're bad."


That's what I heard at work today, from the assistant manager... I forgot another order... I don't know why remembering things are so challenging. It's hard to see the people from where I'm standing to remember they're waiting. And I'm serving other customers, too, so it's hard. I need other people to keep me in check, which isn't ideal, because they have their own duties to take care of, too.


I heard that and did feel embarrassed. A lot of things embarrassed me today. Like this guy took a crumb hanging off my hair and leaned over the counter to do it. I wanted to punch him (not my best moment) but I mean what could I do? He was a customer. Plus, no future customers had to see that crumb hanging near my eye... psh. He gave me the creeeeeps.


So yeah, that left me wanting to run out of the store lol. It was much better than last week, I can guarantee that. I could feel myself be calmer; I knew that was from the knowledge that God loves me no matter what. I still felt stress, but here's what I've learned; we may feel the same emotions as non-Christians, but the differences is that we are not slaves to those emotions anymore.


Plus, even though I am "not good" at remembering orders, there are other things that I'm good at. That must be true, because my actual manager gave me a raise..!! He said he does it for everyone that has been there 6 months, so he didn't specifically say I'm doing good, but I don't even care lol, I feel really blessed. Plus I've only been there 5, soooo yeah. ;)


Today made me look back on what I've learned this past year. And how if someone told me I was "bad" last year, I probably would have cried. It's like some quote from Bremman Manning- I forget the exact words, but it was something about how Christians are free from the opinions of others. Something like: "insults may make you sad, but not so sad that you fall into despair."


I am not in despair. Though there are others that don't understand me, and I may not fully understand them, I'm willing to grow. I'm willing for God to teach me. I am not willing to take her words to heart, for I know my true identity is not in how well I work.


I see that they are either in denial about how sad they are, or engulfed in it. Either way, it breaks my heart. Like today, my coworker and his girlfriend were going to have a baby, but it died before she could give birth. He throws himself into 50 hours weeks at work, and it breaks my heart. Save them, Lord. Save us all.