The battle belongs to the Lord

It's been about two years now... Two years ago I recommitted my life in the quiet of my bedroom, with my Bible open to Romans 1, and was immediately surrounded by God's grace. His love was so persistent then, and still is now. These past two years have changed my life. I know every year changes you some way, but this year specifically was more visibly Jesus, I think :) He gave me eyes to see it, yippee!
This past year has been one of the hardest and when I was living it, I just wanted it to be over. But looking back, it was an incredible time of growth. Would I want something like that to happen again, no. But would I want to learn those lessons, and feel God's grace, and meet so many incredible people in a new way, then yes, let hardship come.
I am so proud of the place God has brought me and I am so thankful that I was able to find His love in a new way on the mission trip. That those people were able to expose the lies in my life and show me, "Hey, you are actually really loved, and you need to see it." And I did. I am seeing it. And I am so thankful God set me free through them. I am free, like a bird. :)

I want to be closer. Recently I've been getting dizzy spells and just been feeling really disconnected and foggy from life. The past has been so foggy, and the present even more so. Looking back, I think it was stress? I don't know. I have to pray against it daily; it's definitely a battle. But it's not mine to fight. The battle belongs to the Lord.
I see a tendency for me to say, "You can allow this God, but do NOT allow this!" And I know that God has the greater plan for my life. Seriously, if I were to plan my life... wow. I can't even think about that. I see His wisdom more. The grass withers, but He stands forever. I may die, but He lives forever.
So this is where I'm at. I want to be closer, but it's a struggle. I'm reaching, but I stumble. He reaches back, and it's an incredible story of love that I am so blessed that He chose me for :)