I've prayed before, "God, I want to look like You. I want to look like Jesus." And I have been so embarrassed, because ever since I gave God total surrender, I've started acting different, thinking different. I'm changing, and I didn't like it. But that was God, helping me become more and more like Jesus. I'm getting more and more of a taste of who God is, and He is not who I thought He was.

My dreams are changing, first off. I'm seeing life differently. I don't know if God wants me to be a missionary after all. Of course we're called to share God and His love, but I wanted to go with being a missionary as a way of doing that. However, there are many ways of doing that. And I see myself being led on a different path. It's not what I thought it was, but it's still pretty epic. :)

God gave me talents. I'm not bragging when I say this; everyone has different talents. I want to use mine to glorify God, and I think that if I become a missionary, I would have to stop using some of those talents, and I would miss out on a lot life has to offer. On a lot Jesus has to offer.

This performance was picture perfect. That being said, this picture is perfect, also. x) I made no mistakes on my solo (didn't even ask for that!), the duet sounded lovely, and the ensemble pieces were a breeze. I was nervous, (shaking a lot less than I usually was, but still shaking), but I felt so much joy in my heart (either that or it was the adrenaline, haha). I was so thankful afterwards! This picture reminds me that life is not what I thought it was; God does enjoy giving sweet treats to His children. He likes it when we have fun.

Playing the harp is something I love doing, and to be able to play it that day, in that way... ahh, it was so perfect!! I am so happy. (My teacher said I really inspired the little kids. ;) I almost cried when one of the little ones asked me to teach her my solo!!!)

If God wants me to be a missionary, I will certainly go that route. But I see no hint of His desire in my life, and I don't know why I was searching for something that didn't relate to who I was, and to what God was doing through me. Kim Walker was right; if I keep my eyes straight on Him, He will open the doors and the opportunities. It's all about Him.

It's really scary, though. I had this whole plan. It wasn't complete, but it was indeed a plan. But God had other ones, and I can trust that where this is going is for His good.

Also, I've spent a lot of time praying and reading the Bible, with the intention of trying to be a better person, not to find out more about God and love Him. His love is all that matters, and it's about me worshiping Him. I need to "make myself all things to all men" so that there is enough available for Him to work on. Can't do that, when all I want to do is work on myself, and do things myself, and convert every single freakin' person I meet. Never my intention, but you get the point.

So here's to new beginnings, to doing what scares me, to loving God, to doing things His way. To being me, even if that means I never achieve the person I want to be. Because whoever she is, she isn't me. This lofty idea of who I should be isn't loved by God nearly as much as who I am, and who I am meant to be. Which are both the same, when you're following Jesus.
Not saying I've reached my potential. That won't happen till I go to heaven. But I NEED to change something. I need to make room for His work instead of trying to do mine all of the time.